I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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