Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
