It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize