i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
