let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize