I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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