thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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