Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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