U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
