youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
