I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
