people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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