i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
