pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize