Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
