Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
