So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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