So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
