She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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