We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
