Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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