Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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