My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
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