plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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