I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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