wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
