The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
