Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize