Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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