OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
