I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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