I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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