I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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