I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
