College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
