I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize