She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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