please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
