your thong is hanging out like whoa
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
