i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
