Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
