I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
