I could have mohawked her pubes.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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