i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize