just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
