I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
