I am puke
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
