New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
