Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
