By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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