Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
