I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize