I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
