did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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