He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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