I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm way too hungover for life right now
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
