i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
