Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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