Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
