I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
