if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
