Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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