While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I have fence marks all over my body
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
