may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
