the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
