I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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