I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
