New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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