I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
