She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
