I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
