I should be sponsored by Trojan
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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