this boner is exhausting
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
