I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
