Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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