Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Randomize
