That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
