thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
