zippers are such a cool invention
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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