I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
