he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
