oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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