Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
