i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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