Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
