We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
