I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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